Supertstitious One

I'm not a person who believe in the superstitious ones...I consider myself (and always try to be) a true believer...but, yes, I believe with all my heart all of the supernatural things, that we are just a small fraction of this universe, and there's so many things in this life that happen all around us without being able to be notifiable enough for our five senses.

I believe that what's coming from the heart will always reach the heart, too...no matter odds it would be. Then I start to consult my heart for many things, something that I never ever bother before.

and my heart starts speaking. Here's what it said to me this night:
- I'm on the right track. Yes, I slipped through off the track sometimes, but I have come back for more immediately

- I'm swimming through different river than before, now. However I don't know whether it would end up at the same damn dark blue ocean again, just like before, because all that I can see through now is just a plain dark blue ocean ahead.

- I still can remember what it felt like in the middle of the dark ocean. It's calm...overly calm. It's dark, too. No wind, no waves, no light. I couldn't feel anything. I wasn't sad. I wasn't happy either, of course. I couldn't even try to do anything because nothing left to try. I was totally numb.

Do I want to be on that situation again? No. Of course all I want to reach in the end is the island in the sun....where everything feels so fine.

But let me look the situation now...

- My current river flows on the same line with my old rivers
- It combines the "nightmares" derived from my old rivers
- The more I see the less I know, the more I like to let it go

yet my heart still says nothing about whether I would end up at the same ocean like before, same darkness, same nothingness.

but I remember one thing about being in the middle of dark blue ocean. I still could feel the rain starts falling...streaming down my face...freezing me inside...so I hope I won't stop praying when the waters fall, 'coz standing in the rain ain't gonna leave me dry :)

PS: Aarggh...it's 11:19...nobody is missing me now, the superstitious one said :)